JULY 2026
I was always doing something for -
to be loved
For them
For you
I have to believe THIS is going to happen again
To protect myself
To stay safe
From feeling this pain AGAIN
You can't fake it
You can't force it
You can't push it
You can keep trying
Until
You feel the unmistakable quality
Of your own presence
With yourself
Within yourself
With whatever you're feeling at the moment
No fixing
No pushing
No managing
No changing
No trying to do anything with what you're feeling
Feeling for the sake of feeling
Loving without doing
You're being with yourself
Truly
Maybe for the first time in your life, like this
Like you've always wanted, always needed
Never could quite make it
But when you do, you know it
You as the whole space
As the whole presence that is here
You already hold yourself here
You as Awareness hold everything that you feel and can't feel, yet.
You only need to make conscious what says:
"No, I don't want to feel this, I can't feel this, cause I'm so terrified of feeling and expressing this, cause I'm so scared it's gonna happen again…"
This, that had already happened long ago, and it was too much back then for your nervous system.
So you - UNCONSCIOUSLY - stopped those emotions, blocked them, hid them and stayed unaware of them, until the suffering got strong enough, calling for your attention.
So you started giving your attention to your own body and - skillfully - you started learning how to listen, how to ask your body, how to keep staying here… a little bit, just a moment, the next day a little bit more, a little longer, and so on and so forth. Gently, slowly, at your own pace, but knowing the direction is inward. Into your body.
Awareness penetrating your own being - this bodymind that keeps all that was ever blocked from flowing freely. Everything that was disapproved of, rejected, dismissed, blocked, refused, ignored. From this life, from the prenatal time, from your family lineage - generation after generation - from culture, and from past lives.
All that was never fully welcomed by the conditioning can be gradually recovered by You - Awareness through a Human Being.
You can't trust your rational, conscious, "adult" mind here, really. It is a tool of protection of the ego-conditioning, most of the time.
You've got to go to your body and ask skillfully. And wait and listen and feel into the somatic response. That's what you can trust, always.
You can start with open questions, like:
"If this energy had a voice, what would it say?"
Or directly to the stuck energy in your body:
"What are you saying? What do you mean about me?"
"When was the first time I felt (like) this?"
"Who and what is this about?"
Be creative. Ask. Listen. Don't talk. Don't try to figure the answer out. Don't give it to your analysing mind. Ask and listen.
Initially, you may not even hear anything. That's because those deeper parts of yourself don't trust you (yet). Your system's job is to keep it unconscious. ...They don't trust that you will listen… because you never really did. So far. Until now.
So it may take time at first. Just repeat the question and keep listening - exercise this quality of listening to yourself. Just being here, feeling into yourself. Nothing else. Nothing more. Present. Here.
Trust the first response you're gonna hear. Stay with it, until this wave of the bodymind connection dissolves back into the space.
This is how you can start.
Exercising the muscle of attention, by staying with whatever is here. With every sensation, energy, emotion, feeling, state, any word, or picture or sound.
When you can be like this with yourself, then you can start using more direct inquiry. Reverse Inquiry.
I'll speak about it in the next post.
Sooner or later you'll notice that some responses to these open questions don't fully dissolve - that's because they're connected to deeper connections that stay unconscious. And we need to use more direct and skillful inquiry to bring those to the surface.
At the bottom, it all comes down to the repression mechanism connected with unmet emotional needs and two core fears. The deepest practice consists of processing - making conscious - those. On the level of the mechanism and its function - to restore repressed emotions. Your life force, the natural flow of Life through this human bodymind.
The more you truly excavate what used to be buried in and as your subconscious (remember: mostly mind+body connections), the easier it is to stay present here and now. The more aware you become of yourself. The more you are able to stay present with another. And meet them. You can meet someone else only to the extent you've met yourself.
Start now. Collect your attention into your being, into your body, attend to yourself. Hold yourself like you've always wanted to be held.
Just a little bit. For a moment.
Again and again.
The more you make the unconscious conscious, the easier it's gonna be to just rest inside and feel, without agenda.
It's not gonna be comfortable, quite often.
It's not supposed to be.
You - Awareness - have the eternal capacity to feel the whole spectrum of human emotions and states. Let's rediscover it, over and over again. A little deeper every time.
If you have questions, type them in the comments.
This is the practice I teach. If you want to learn it with me - from the foundations to the deepest work - you'll find the ways HERE.
Thank you.
to be loved
For them
For you
I have to believe THIS is going to happen again
To protect myself
To stay safe
From feeling this pain AGAIN
You can't fake it
You can't force it
You can't push it
You can keep trying
Until
You feel the unmistakable quality
Of your own presence
With yourself
Within yourself
With whatever you're feeling at the moment
No fixing
No pushing
No managing
No changing
No trying to do anything with what you're feeling
Feeling for the sake of feeling
Loving without doing
You're being with yourself
Truly
Maybe for the first time in your life, like this
Like you've always wanted, always needed
Never could quite make it
But when you do, you know it
You as the whole space
As the whole presence that is here
You already hold yourself here
You as Awareness hold everything that you feel and can't feel, yet.
You only need to make conscious what says:
"No, I don't want to feel this, I can't feel this, cause I'm so terrified of feeling and expressing this, cause I'm so scared it's gonna happen again…"
This, that had already happened long ago, and it was too much back then for your nervous system.
So you - UNCONSCIOUSLY - stopped those emotions, blocked them, hid them and stayed unaware of them, until the suffering got strong enough, calling for your attention.
So you started giving your attention to your own body and - skillfully - you started learning how to listen, how to ask your body, how to keep staying here… a little bit, just a moment, the next day a little bit more, a little longer, and so on and so forth. Gently, slowly, at your own pace, but knowing the direction is inward. Into your body.
Awareness penetrating your own being - this bodymind that keeps all that was ever blocked from flowing freely. Everything that was disapproved of, rejected, dismissed, blocked, refused, ignored. From this life, from the prenatal time, from your family lineage - generation after generation - from culture, and from past lives.
All that was never fully welcomed by the conditioning can be gradually recovered by You - Awareness through a Human Being.
You can't trust your rational, conscious, "adult" mind here, really. It is a tool of protection of the ego-conditioning, most of the time.
You've got to go to your body and ask skillfully. And wait and listen and feel into the somatic response. That's what you can trust, always.
You can start with open questions, like:
"If this energy had a voice, what would it say?"
Or directly to the stuck energy in your body:
"What are you saying? What do you mean about me?"
"When was the first time I felt (like) this?"
"Who and what is this about?"
Be creative. Ask. Listen. Don't talk. Don't try to figure the answer out. Don't give it to your analysing mind. Ask and listen.
Initially, you may not even hear anything. That's because those deeper parts of yourself don't trust you (yet). Your system's job is to keep it unconscious. ...They don't trust that you will listen… because you never really did. So far. Until now.
So it may take time at first. Just repeat the question and keep listening - exercise this quality of listening to yourself. Just being here, feeling into yourself. Nothing else. Nothing more. Present. Here.
Trust the first response you're gonna hear. Stay with it, until this wave of the bodymind connection dissolves back into the space.
This is how you can start.
Exercising the muscle of attention, by staying with whatever is here. With every sensation, energy, emotion, feeling, state, any word, or picture or sound.
When you can be like this with yourself, then you can start using more direct inquiry. Reverse Inquiry.
I'll speak about it in the next post.
Sooner or later you'll notice that some responses to these open questions don't fully dissolve - that's because they're connected to deeper connections that stay unconscious. And we need to use more direct and skillful inquiry to bring those to the surface.
At the bottom, it all comes down to the repression mechanism connected with unmet emotional needs and two core fears. The deepest practice consists of processing - making conscious - those. On the level of the mechanism and its function - to restore repressed emotions. Your life force, the natural flow of Life through this human bodymind.
The more you truly excavate what used to be buried in and as your subconscious (remember: mostly mind+body connections), the easier it is to stay present here and now. The more aware you become of yourself. The more you are able to stay present with another. And meet them. You can meet someone else only to the extent you've met yourself.
Start now. Collect your attention into your being, into your body, attend to yourself. Hold yourself like you've always wanted to be held.
Just a little bit. For a moment.
Again and again.
The more you make the unconscious conscious, the easier it's gonna be to just rest inside and feel, without agenda.
It's not gonna be comfortable, quite often.
It's not supposed to be.
You - Awareness - have the eternal capacity to feel the whole spectrum of human emotions and states. Let's rediscover it, over and over again. A little deeper every time.
If you have questions, type them in the comments.
This is the practice I teach. If you want to learn it with me - from the foundations to the deepest work - you'll find the ways HERE.
Thank you.
Natalia